I have been told I should write a book. I would love to write a book but I really have no idea how to do that. But if I did write a book I would be writing the end of a chapter. Not the end of the first chapter, just an end to a chapter. I am getting a Hysterectomy. This decision has not been an easy one for me. I have struggled with this. Not because I wanted more children, I am pretty sure that I am maxed out. It's just so definitive. I used to pray when I was in my teens that I would be blessed with many children. I always knew I wanted 8 children. I would pray that someday I would have 8 children. (I got a bonus, woo hoo!) My sister struggled with infertility and I saw the pain she endured. It was a concern of mine that I too would struggle with infertility. Well I had quite the opposite. I never had trouble getting pregnant. I had more trouble NOT getting pregnant. I was beyond grateful. So when my doctor told me that he thought a Hysterectomy was something I should really consider I was shocked. In a way it was nice to know that medically I was done having children but in another way it made me so sad knowing that I was done, really and truly done. I feel like I am being led to the next chapter. I have nine healthy, active and needy children. They need me. And I need them. I need to focus on their upcoming years. I am excited and anxious for this next chapter. I enjoy my kids. I love each one of them and am grateful for our large, crazy family. I prayed for this. Tonight Chad and I went to the Temple and did sealings. It recomfimed to me that I am making the right decision. Heavenly Father has guided me every step of the way, I have had him involved with every decision. I never make a big decision without the help and guidance of my Heavenly Father. I am blessed to feel his presence and am grateful for his love. I know I am doing His Will. I am grateful for a loving husband who stands by my side and who is "One" with me. I love him. He is wise and is faithful. I have been blessed with a strong, obedient, God fearing man by my side. I am grateful that he is in these chapters of my life. He makes me laugh every day. I am so in love with him. So here's to the next chapter. I am scared. I am nervous. Having babies is all I have known for the past 16 years. And I am forever grateful for the past 16 years. It's time for me to begin the next chapter.
The Timpanogos Temple
That's a such a brave decision! It was heart-wrenching for me to decide that our family was complete. No more babies. It was so hard to get all them here (infertility or hard pregnancies) that it felt like I was weak for not being willing to do it again. Thankfully a wonderful bishop helped me see that God accepted my offering, and that what I had done was enough. I'm still sad for some of the "lasts" at our house, but it's also fun to see all of the "firsts" as the older ones grow up. Onward and upward, right?
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